Regular

amanda-fior:

I keep thinking about that text post from forever ago that says something about marriages breaking down too easily and that when they get married, they will NOT be getting a divorce. If they have problems, they will work it out. 

The longer I live and the more personal experiences I have, the more I personally disagree with this.

You are only half of the married couple. You cannot control the other person. You can’t predict how their life will change, how their personality will change, how their ambitions, interests and priorities change.

Change is a positive thing. Most people are very different at 50 to what they were like at 25 – and that’s a good thing. But you need to know that the person you are in love with, will be a different person in 10+ years, for better or worse.

People can’t help falling out of love, sometimes it just happens. It is so heartbreaking watching your partner slowly lose interest and knowing that they aren’t in love with you anymore. It’s scary to let them go, but why keep hurting yourself and them, when you can both move on and live happier, fuller lives? 

If they want to leave, they can. There isn’t anything you can do. By the time they have the ‘talk’ with you, their mind is usually made up. 

Sometimes the person you marry slowly evolves into someone you no longer want to remain married to. They may develop addictions like gambling or alcohol problems or they may become aggressive and even violent. We all like to think that our partner would never do this or that we would never marry someone capable of hurting us, but domestic abuse (physical, verbal and emotional) is common and it can happen to anyone. You may wish to stay with your partner to help them through their problems. That’s your choice. But for some people it gets too much. Don’t judge people for leaving someone who has a problem. The partner of these people usually tries to help them before “giving up” and leaving. It usually takes a lot of courage especially when they are worried for their safety and the safety of any children involved. 

Then of course there is the case of them cheating on you. Again, you may wish to stay in this relationship but that doesn’t mean they also want to remain married to you. 

You can be the most perfect, understanding, loving partner in the world and your partner may still want to leave. And if that happens, let them go. You deserve better than someone who doesn’t want or appreciate you.